When things go against my desire (Gen 29-30)

When things go against my desire

Gen 29:14b-30:24

Key verse 29:30,31

This morning I read an urgent prayer request email from a missionary in Kenya. It was about a gun shooting at a shopping mall in Nairobi by terrorists, who have killed 50 people and are still holding 30 hostages. The shopping mall is the best attraction for foreigners and presumably they are targeting foreigners. Thankfully, our missionaries and Bible students there were spared from this tragedy but we need to pray for their safety. Recently, we have also heard about gun-shootings in Washington D.C. and Chicago. It is sad that innocent people died or got injured. Those days were not different from any other normal days to them but they did not expect such things at all. In fact, there are many small and big bumps and pitfalls on the road of life, which we cannot expect or control. Regardless of our desires and plans, we sometimes end up with unwanted people or places. How should we understand this? In today’s passage, Jacob faced unexpected things against his desire. Let’s see how God intervened in his life and what Jacob learned. I pray that we may learn about God who is working in our life according to his will.

I. Jacob married Leah and Rachel (29:14b-30)

In the last passage, Jacob safely arrived at Paddan Aram where his uncle lived. Then, he stayed there one month.

After Jacob had stayed with him for a whole month, ¹⁵ Laban said to him, “Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be.”

It was a great job offer to Jacob. Anyway, he needed a job to stay there. Surprisingly, however, Jacob did not ask for money.

¹⁸ Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.”

Before he left his parents, his father Isaac commanded him to take a wife from among the daughters of Laban. He kept that in mind. When he saw Rachel for the first time at the well, he was attracted to her, and while staying at her house for a month he was convinced that she should be his wife. In fact, Laban had two daughters.

¹⁶ Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. ¹⁷ Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful.

Leah had weak eyes, which could mean either that she was unattractive or that she had a tender mind. But Rachel was beautiful outwardly. When he got the job offer from Laban, he did not hesitate to ask Laban to give him Rachel as his wife and Laban gladly agreed to his request. So, Jacob chose Rachel, the younger, over Leah, the older.

²⁰ So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

Jacob loved Rachel so much that the seven years seemed like only a few days to him. To Jacob, Rachel was the best wife. Marriage with the best wife is any man’s dream, isn’t it? Jacob must have been so happy that he would marry a beautiful woman Rachel. For the seven years, Jacob enjoyed his romantic love for Rachel. He planned out where to go for honeymoon, where to build the tent for Rachel, how many children they would have, and so on. Everyday he counted down his marriage day. His hope was high. Things went well as he desired. For the seven years, Jacob was a happiest man in the world.

²¹ Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.”

After seven years, Jacob asked Laban to give him Rachel as they agreed. So, Laban gathered the people there and gave a feast for his daughter’s marriage. Jacob was so excited, saying, “Rachel is my wife now!” That night he made love to her. The next morning, Jacob awoke and saw his wife still sleeping next to him. Then, he was shocked. She was not Rachel! What happened?

²⁵ When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”

What happened was that that night Laban brought Leah instead of Rachel and sneakily pushed her into the bridal room. But Jacob did not recognize her probably because the light was dim, she was wearing a veil on her face, or he was drunk. Anyway, Jacob got puzzled and upset. Overnight, his dream shattered and his life crumbled. He could not believe what happened to him. Then, he realized that Laban deceived him. Laban ruined his marriage. Out of anger, he rushed to Laban and asked him why he deceived him.

²⁶ Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. ²⁷ Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.”

Laban, however, was not sorry about his deception. Rather, he justified it, saying that it was not their custom to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Then, he asked Jacob to finish the bridal week and promised him to give Rachel as well in return for another seven years of work. “Jacob, I understand your frustration. And I know how much you love her. So, I would like to give you Rachel too if you can work for me another seven years. What about that?” For the seven years, Laban saw that Jacob was a hard worker and a great asset to him so he wanted to retain Jacob as long as possible. Laban was a shrewd man and deceived Jacob (deceiver). Anyway, his excuse made Jacob speechless. But there was no way to cancel his marriage with Leah. What was done was done whether he liked or not. But he could not give up Rachel. So, what did he do?

²⁸ And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. ²⁹ Laban gave his servant Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her attendant. ³⁰ Jacob made love to Rachel also, and his love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.

Jacob agreed to Laban’s new offer and then Laban gave him Rachel after the bridal week. He worked for Laban another seven years in return for Rachel. Now he had two wives. But his love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah. Jacob spent most of his time in Rachel’s tent. Occasionally, at their anniversary or on her birthday, he gave her surprise gifts or sent her two- dozen red roses through flowers.com. He was happy with Rachel and Rachel was happy with Jacob. They couldn’t be happier. However, Jacob did not love Leah. Though she was his first wife, she rarely saw Jacob. He did not even come to her tent or give her any gifts at their anniversary. Leah was left alone. She cried like the character Fantine in Les Miserables, who recalled the man whom she once loved but who abandoned her and her daughter. No one cared for Leah. No one understood her misery and sorrow. But God saw Leah not loved.

II. Jacob had twelve sons through his four wives (29:31-30:24)

³¹ When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless.

It looked like both Leah and Rachel were barren. But when God saw Leah not loved, he enabled her to conceive. She gave birth to not only one son but to four sons. She named them,

·         Reuben – “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”

·         Simeon - “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.”

·         Levi -  “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.”

·         Judah - “This time I will praise the Lord.”

Interestingly, all their names reflected what was on her mind. We can see her misery, her longing for her husband’ love and her thankfulness to God. By bearing Jacob four sons, she was greatly comforted and experienced God’s grace.

30 When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!”

When Leah had the first son, Rachel was surprised. Rachel had been the happiest woman in the world until Leah had sons. As Leah had more sons, however, Rachel’s joy changed into jealousy. Her heart became bitter. Now Jacob’s love was not sufficient to her. Rachel said to Jacob, “Give me children or I will die!” She complained as if her bareness had been Jacob’s fault and demanded him to do something about it. What was Jacob’s response?

 ² Jacob became angry with her and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?”

No doubt, Jacob loved Rachel and wanted to have children through her. But she was barren! So far, he got what he wanted by any means. He bought Esau’s birthright and stole his father’s blessing. But he couldn’t do anything with childbearing. He was helpless but he began to see God’s intervention in his life. Rachel should have asked God for grace. But what did Rachel do?

³ Then she said, “Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.”

Rachel gave Jacob her servant Bilhah as a wife in order to build her family. Rachel was so obsessed with having children that she did not mind using her servant. Bihah bore two sons and Rachel named them,

·         Dan - “God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son.” 

·         Naphtali -  “I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won.” 

The names showed how much she had felt shame and guilt about her barrenness and also how much she competed with her sister. Anyway, the score between Leah and Rachel became 4:2. But Rachel still got her husband’s love and two sons as well. Not bad! She thought that she won the struggle with her sister. How did Leah respond?

⁹ When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife.

After having four sons, Leah stopped having children. As she saw her sister having two sons through her servant, she too gave Jacob her servant Zilpah to get more children. So, her servant Zilpah bore two sons and Leah named them,

·         God - “What good fortune!”

·         Asher - “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.”

Now the score between them became 6:2. It looks like watching a baseball games. Leah was happy with her sons outnumbering her sister’s because more sons secured her position in the family. However, their competition was heated up even more. But Rachel was still barren and Leah stopped conceiving. There was nothing further for them to do. And one day, a very interesting thing happened.

¹⁴ During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.”

Mandrake is a plant that has a large forked root resembling a human being in form. It was believed to facilitate pregnancy for a sterile woman. Hearing that Reuben found some mandrake plants, Rachel’s eyes sparked, thinking that the mandrakes could help her with childbearing. So, she asked Leah to share some of her son’s mandrakes. How did Leah respond?

¹⁵ But she said to her, “Wasn’t it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son’s mandrakes too?” “Very well,” Rachel said, “he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son’s mandrakes.”

Leah got upset at her sister’s brazen face and selfishness. She thought Rachel took away her husband. So, Rachel said, “Calm down! I am not asking you to give the Mandrakes for free. Let’s make a deal. You can sleep with him tonight and I can take your son’s mandrakes.” In fact, it was a win-win deal because Leah could have her husband’s love that night and Rachel could take a chance to bear a child by the mandrakes. So, these women made a deal. That night Leah hired Jacob and slept with him and Rachel got the mandrakes.

¹⁷ God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son and then another.

Interestingly, God listened to Leah and she bore Jacob two more sons along with a daughter. She named them,

o   Issachar - “God has rewarded me for giving my servant to my husband.” 

o   Zebulun - “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.”

o   Dinah

Now she bore Jacob six sons and one daughter. Leah hoped that her husband would respect her because the number of her children undeniably proved that God was with her.

What happened to Rachel then?

²² Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and enabled her to conceive. ²³ She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.” ²⁴ She named him Joseph, and said, “May the Lord add to me another son.”

Even if she got the mandrakes, it seemed not to work for her because she still remained barren until Leah bore two more sons. Then, God remembered her. He concerned her as he did to Leah and was gracious to her too. At last, she got a son through her own body. She said God took away her disgrace and then she named the son Joseph in hope that she could have another son.

These two sisters competed and bore Jacob eleven sons and one daughter in total. What a family! I feel that I am seeing a Korean soap drama where two women love one man in rivalry. But this passage is not such a soap drama. Though it seemed like these women were the main characters in this episode, there was God behind all this. See verses 29:21 and 30:17,22.

·         ³¹ When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. 

·         ¹⁷ God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. 

·         ²² Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and enabled her to conceive. 

God saw Leah unloved and opened her womb, and then closed it again after she bore four sons. God again opened Leah’s womb and gave two more sons and one daughter. Finally, God enabled Rachel to conceive and she bore a son. They tried to have children by their own efforts. They even depended on mandrakes. But eventually it was God who granted them children. God closed or opened their wombs according to his will and gave them children by grace. Leah and Rachel learned that their childbearing was not possible without God’s grace. Through their childbearing, they saw God’s hands in their lives.

What about Jacob? When Jacob made a deal with Laban to get Rachel as his wife, everything went smoothly as he planed. But because of Laban’s trick, things went awry. Against his desire, he got Leah as his wife and then Rachel as his second. Now his hope was to get children through Rachel. Against his hope, however, Leah bore him more sons, including his firstborn, whereas Rachel was barren. Being squished between these two competitive sisters, he was even traded for mandrakes. He could not even name his sons by himself. How miserable he was! He dreamed about a beautiful and peaceful family with Rachel. But against his desire, he had four wives and his wives competed with each other.  

But through this, God was teaching something very important. Jacob began to learn that he couldn’t control his family as he planed and desired. He could not control his wives. He could not control their childbearing. In verse 30:2, he said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?” He acknowledged that he was helpless and God controlled everything.

We have our own plans and desires. Things can go against our plan and desire, however. Everyone wants to have a beautiful family. Unmarried people want to find best spouses and have beautiful children. Parents hope all their children stay healthy and safe. They hope their children to grow well. Students want to graduate and quickly get good jobs. Workers want to secure their jobs and enjoy their lives. Ministers hope that their ministries go well.

But things do not always go as we hope or plan. While marrying, studying, working, or ministering, we see many turns and twists and find ourselves helpless. One of my friends has been laid off four times for the last three years. We cannot control our marriage, childbearing, jobs, and anything. It is God who controls everything. Sometimes, God gives us favor but sometimes he does not. Sometimes, he works quickly but other times works slowly. We want to go fast but God can stop us. Basically, we have no control over our life, but God controls.

Proverbs 16:9 reads, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” So, an adage says that man proposes and God disposes. God may work against our desire but for good purposes. When things do not go well as we desire, remember that God is intervening in your life and wants to give you his grace. Overall, this passage teaches us that God controls our lives according to his will and by his grace. So, we should trust in him and depend on him alone even when things go against our desire.

Just before I left Korea 20 years ago, things went very well. My wife was a high school teacher and I was a computer programmer. My ministry went so well that many Bible students came to me by themselves. When M. SY and I came to USA, my hope was high. But my reality went against my hope and desire. I had no job and no health insurance. When our children had high fever at night, we did not know what to do. I don’t remember how we managed our schools, works, and ministry with our broken English. And my ministry was not fruitful as much as I hoped. I have learned that there is nothing I can do by myself and I need God’s grace. When I learned to depend on God, I found myself satisfied with whatever God gave me. Happiness comes when our ego and pride break down and so we acknowledge God’s sovereignty in our life and honor him. God controls everything and He is God of mercy and grace. Let him lead you at every turn of your life. He knows how he can make us happy. Believe that in all things God works for the good of those who trust in him and love him; acknowledge his sovereignty in our lives. Then, you will find yourselves thankful and happy. Amen!  

Message by David Yun