Let man not separate [Matt 19a]

Let Man not separate

Matt 19:1-13

Key Verse. ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Until now, Jesus has been in the region of Galilee and last discourse was with his disciples. From this point on Jesus is moving toward Jerusalem. There are three routes to go to Jerusalem. Jesus took the one most commonly taken by the Jews. He crossed the Jordan and came down along the east side of Jordan river and then cross the river again straight westward to Jerusalem. This is the final journey and this journey ends in Jerusalem.

Jesus taught concerning three issues during his sermon on the mount. . These are repeated again during the time in between Peter’s confession and reaching to Jerusalem. They are how to related with other men[18], how to deal with wife[19], and how to deal with materials[19]. But at this time these three issues are dealt with in the context of real oppositions to the said-truth: The discussion was more real for his disciples because they were looking ahead for coming of the kingdom in a matter of weeks or even days as they get to Jerusalem. It is also real because the fundamental truth is applied to real lives. Out of those three, today’s issue is marriage and divorce. Among these three, the issue of marriage and divorce is mostly contested and hotly debated. Everyone has his or her opinions. Especially among Jewish leaders, it is believed that divorce has been allowed by the law and one can divorce without incurring any judgment from God’s law.  But Jesus taught people about marriage and divorce based on the creation narratives. God created marriage and let men not separate! Yet divorce was so common place then as well as it is now in this society. What to make of it? Marriage is the fundamental institution of human life. So marriage is whereby one falls into sin or rises in truth or godly life. It is whereby sins of people are exposed and tested. In marriage their goodness is challenged up to the limit of their ability.  Through today’s passage, I like to delve into three questions; why so many divorces? Is divorce acceptable in the kingdom of God? What can we escape divorce?  I pray that we may have proper understanding of ‘what marriage is’ in God’s perspective and that each of us may succeed in keeping God’s blessing for each family, instead of falling into a statistics of the time of today.

1.      Anyone who divorce his wife is committing adultery except.. [1-9]

1 When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan.

 Concerning the time of this event, not long ago, John the Baptist was killed by Herod because of his rebuke of King Herod for his adulterous marriage with his brother’s wife, Herodias.  It is reasonable that this incident had sparked the nation with the issue of marriage and divorce. Even King Herod or his wife Herodias may keep watching with hawk eyes. If anyone raises any question about their adulterous marriage.

As we look at our nation, the United States, more than 50% of marriage ended up in divorce. The outcome of so many divorces is staggering. The stability of families is shattered and children are to pay heavy costs.  How can we understand? It seems that divorce is becoming one of the inevitability of lives whether we like it or not. Since we live and breathe the air of this age, we are not exempt from this statistics. If we are not exempt from this statistics, out of 10 of us, half [5] of us will likely end up in divorce. What does it mean to us?  If this is the case, then whether God allows divorce or not is a serious issue.  The answer is sought by Pharisees.

² Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. ³ Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

They are asking if there is any possibly way to divorce his wife without violating the law. Here violating the law means committing adultery. Many ask such questions as this: Can I divorce her? She is not good. She is evil, she is a bitch! ; or, Can I divorce him? He is drunkard, violent and an animal! Humanly speaking, we all can have sympathy for such suffering husbands and suffering wives. In our minds their complaints constitute more than enough reason to divorce. So they ask a very loaded question. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" We all like to hear the answer ‘yes’ to this question. We want to get out of our marriage and find a new wife or new husband! A better one, at least better than that what I have now!  

But what is Jesus’ answer?

⁴ "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' ⁵ and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Here Jesus is going back to the account of creation. What is the original purpose of God for creating man and woman in marriage? Creation account is fundamental in understanding of what we are, in the essence of our being. We call this de facto truth! It explains what I am as a man or as a woman. Since the purpose and essential nature of our being has become the basic fabric of our being by creation, only when we restore if it is disrupted, the fullness of the marriage can be found.

Marriage was created not for the purpose of human happiness within themselves, husband and wife. Though, happiness in marriage can be the secondary by product.  The primary purpose of creating family is to help man to do what God planned to do in the Garden of Eden. So Eve is called helper or suitable helper. It becomes clearer as we understand the passage in detail.  Seeing this great work of God, Adam confessed this in v 23 Genesis 2:23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman', for she was taken out of man."

This is an expression of full appreciation of what God did in Eve and the appreciation of what Eve is, an extension of his own being.  These are expressions of his thankfulness to God and Adam’s love to Eve as an extension of his own being.   This is the foundational for the demand that God is making  in v 24. So verse 24 starts with ‘for this reason’ indicating what God did to Adam in creating Eve and how fitting Eve is to Adam as the helper. So out of thankfulness to God and out of his endearing love to Eve, man are to do what God said in v 24.

Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Here three things are to happen. Leave and untied and being one in flesh. They are not two but one. We can see Adam’s happiness when he saw Eve. The perfect helper or role of perfect helper can be earned when one does these three things: leave, united, being one in flesh. Whether it is God’s ordinance or man’s obligation is found in the word, ‘will’. Man WILL leave, Will be united, Will become one flesh. It is clear that it is described not in terms of love or endearment. It is described as God’s ordinances or man’s obligation or commitment. In other word, either in obedience to God’s ordinances, or in one’s commitment to Eve, Adam is to do these three actions:  leaving his parents, being united with his wife and being one flesh with her. Also behind these three actions must be thankfulness to God and love to Eve.

So we discussed three things: thankfulness of God who created Eve, and love for Even in v 23, full commitment in obedience to God’s will in v 24. It starts with thankfulness to God who created and brought Even and ends commitment in obedience to God’s will.

In this perfect union, what God purposed in man can be accomplished.  So marriage from its beginning, it is God’s ordinance that demands obedience and man’s commitment to Eve.  This is what God did from the outset of human creation in the first family.

But  when one’s relationship with God is severed, or when one rejects God’s authority, there can’t be any thankfulness and there can’t be any obedience or commitment. Only thing that he can find and is looking for is what Eve has or what Eve is. The outcome is well described in Rom   

Rom 1: 21, Paul indicted the world of their failure to honor God. Because of their rejection of God, God gave them over the sinfulness of their being.  He lists three outcomes of rejecting God.  Rom 1:24

²⁴ Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. ²⁵ They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-- who is forever praised. Amen.

When people reject God, God gives them over their hearts. As the result, three things happen: First, sexual impurities, second exchanging the truth for a lie, and lastly worshipping idol.

Among these three, sexual impurity is listed first. In other word, when one rejects God and his law, there is no restraint in him or in her that controls the lust. Clearly there is a link between one’s attitude toward God and one’s control of his immorality, of which sexual immorality is the most common and powerful form.  Even we can dare to say that when one rejects God, it is almost certain that he or she will get into sexual impurities! Sexual impurities are norm for the ungodly or for those who are not in God’s control. This is quite clear when we see the society that we live.

Similar thing is found in Israel history.  When Israel turned away from God, God charged the nation of spiritual adultery. Along with this, God made various charges against the nation. One of the prominent one is neglecting the weak and helpless and divorce. In other words, divorce is prominent findings among those who rejected God as we see here;

Jeremiah 29:23 For they have done outrageous things in Israel; they have committed adultery with their neighbors' wives and in my name have spoken lies, which I did not tell them to do. I know it and am a witness to it," declares the LORD.

Jeremiah 7:9 "'Will you steal and murder, commit adultery and perjury, burn incense to Baal and follow other gods you have not known,

There are rich language of adultery in prophets to depict Israel’s rejection of God as her husband and accepting the idols as her husband.

What can we say about this? Divorce and adultery are secondary expressions of ungodliness. We know that all sins of men are deeply rooted in their rejection of God. So divorce is not an exception to this. Desire to divorce comes from the heart that rejects God’s sovereign rule and loss of thankfulness.

As the nation rejects God, there are more divorces than ever before. Can we say vice versa? If a nation has so many divorces, then it is fair to say that the nation as a whole is turning away from God? I believe so! 

To such mind, what is Jesus final word about divorce?

⁶ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Let man not separate!

Jesus did not look for a solution accommodating the needs of sinful human being. No man should dare to undo what God has done. This is God’s command and his truth.  Jesus is asking them to go back to this principle and abide by it. The utmost will of God must be upheld.  But Pharisees found something else other than this command.

⁷ "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

They are talking about Deut 24:1

Deuteronomy 24:1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house,

It was not a command but a simple statement of a condition. They took this as a command and positive evidence of permission for divorce. But Jesus said totally different understanding of this passage.

⁸ Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

What did Jesus understand this passage? We will look at this passage more carefully.

Deuteronomy 24:1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, ² and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, ³ and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, ⁴ then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.

The sentence started in v1 ends at v 4. There are two conditional clauses that begin with ‘if’ one in v 1-2 and the other in v3. The concluding clause that expresses the essence of this passage is in v4.

In the first conditional clause; what Pharisee was talking about is: and he writes a certificate of divorce… Here it is not a positive statement. It is defining a condition. That condition is whereby  a man write her a certificate of divorce. It does not mention if this is good or bad. So from this conditional clause, we cannot take any positive command, like these Pharisees. In their eager desire to justify divorce, they took this as God’s positive command for divorce.

The final statement is in v4. ⁴ then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled... . 

First husband cannot take back the wife whom he divorced, once she married with other man.

Once divorced woman marries with another man, then even if she is freed from the second husband, she cannot go back to marry the first husband. It is detestable to God.

This statement has little to do of the question on whether one can lawfully divorce or not.

But there is an implicit acceptance of this condition—divorce. Since there is no defining statement on the divorce, we do not know whether it is taken to be good or bad.

How did Jesus understood this?

Because your hearts were hard! Their mind is already tilted so badly to sin, there is no way to change or correct, Moses ‘permitted’.

The sentence ‘Moses permitted’ is set against the sentence ‘it was not this way from the beginning.’ What happened in the beginning is by God in His direct will and intervention. It is preceding to Moses’ permission. Moses permission is conditioned by hardness of man in sin.  So it is far away from God’s ultimate truth and principle.

What can we say in all these? What can we conclude in all these?

⁹ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

This is Jesus’ final word about marriage and divorce.  If we simplify this, we can say that divorce equals adultery.

All divorces are expressions of their adulterous hearts. It is the violation of one of the Ten Commandments. In the OT times, adultery was to be stoned to death. Because they knew so well the heavy judgment on adultery, Pharisees tried hard to make divorce not adultery. But in the absolute truth of God or God’s perfect will, all divorce is expression or extension of adultery.

Though a husband acts like a beast, if his wife divorces him, it is adultery. Though a wife behaves and talks like a bitch, if her husband divorces her, it is adultery. It is punishable by death. They cannot escape God’s judgment.

Though there is one exception. It is marital unfaithfulness. It is not a transliteration. It is translation of the word ‘porneia’ in today’s language. The most appropriate term of ‘porneia’ is fornication.  Sexual act that is outside of marriage.

There are wide range of understanding of this word. Since we discussed Deut 24: 1-4. I like to borrow the concept in 24:1-4 to understand what it means ‘porneia’.

When one divorce his wife, she is freed to go and marry another man. This second marriage did not go well either. So she is divorced again or became widowed. Now she is free to marry. But God forbid her to remarry the first husband. To him, she has been ‘defiled’ Such thing is detestable to the eyes of God. I believe that this is the same situation as ‘porneia’.  By uniting with another man, she is defiling herself in regard to her husband.  Only in this situation, the husband can divorce her without being condemned as adulterer.  

By union with other man, a wife commit ‘porneia’ then the husband is well justified to divorce her. If we flip this statement, if his wife does not commit ‘porneia’ no matter what she did, he cannot justly divorce her.  Even though she did not commit fornication, and yet he divorces her, then he is committing adultery. It is very difficult situation. It is almost impossible for any men in his flesh and blood. The disciples quickly understood this and expressed their dilemma.

¹⁰ The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

The disciples knew how difficult it is not to divorce. For them, it is almost impossible to bear with such ungodly wives whose mouth is filled with all kinds of disrespect, unbelief, sarcasm, bitterness, unbelief and curses. Also it is fearful to be judged as an adulterer. As God forbid in the Ten Commandments, adultery will surely incur judgment of God!

What is the solution? It is better not to marry! Live as a single!  It sounds good. But actually it is not that good either! This is not a better option! Why?

¹¹ Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. ¹² For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

Not everyone can accept this—living as a single; celibacy is not for everyone who wants to. It is possible for very few situations. All others it is impossible.

Who can do this? There are three—eunuchs, others were made that way by men, and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. For ordinary man, there is only one possible reason to live celibacy. That is the one who renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven.  As we know there are many who practiced celibacy among priests. Last decades, there came numerous news about child abuse by these priests who practiced celibacy.  Though they professed to live a life of celibacy, they could not do so and committed horrific sins, molesting many children, unable to curve their sexual desires. As far as living celibacy is concern, men’s will have no power. Man is created to live with his wife from the beginning of creation. The necessity is built in his body and in his whole being. So is true his wife.

What can we say? Living celibacy is aberrance, only possible in very rare exception!  It is possible only godly power for the kingdom of God.  

Simply not marrying is not a choice as well.

I cannot get by this without discussing the problem plaguing in our society. Many men and women live in single and even chose to live in single.  So there are so many who are unmarried but are sexually active. Uncommitted life together is common place. According to the Law of Moses, once you sleep with a girl, you are obligated to take her as your wife. Whether you like to acknowledge that one night union is a marriage or not, in God’s perspective it is taken to be as good as marriage. In 2 Sam 13:1-16, Amnon a son of David raped his half sister Tamar in his bed. Soon after the rape, he kicked her out of his room. At that time she said this,

2 Samuel 13:16 "No!" she said to him. "Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me." But he refused to listen to her. Eventually Amnon paid off this sin by his life.

This is a worst form of adultery. There is only one terminology to describe sexual relationship apart from marriage; ‘adultery’ that is worthy of death in the law.

There was a great sexual revolution in 1940’s. They wanted to be freed from all boundaries that are set by God. In essence it is rejection of God and His judgments. The outcome is staggering and we, in this age, are bearing the dire consequences.

 Then what can we do! It is more than likely that when you marry, you will end up in divorce. And this will lead you to adultery, an egregious sin before God. Also living celibacy is also a hard or even impossible choice. We are in between a rock and hard place.

As we already sensed, there is no way out from this mortal body of sin. The solution is not in our will, not in our marriage, not in divorce, not in single life not in celibacy!

So what did Paul say about his life? Romans 7:24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

If this is end of all, there is no hope!

But Jesus brought us the solution and hope for all marriages and all human being living in adultery! It is through his redeeming  sacrifice.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

As we enter our relationship with Christ, a new relationship is created in between husband and wife. Christ through his redeeming power gave himself up for sinner husband. In this grace and power the husband is enabled to love and to redeem his wife. Without redeeming grace of Christ, this new beginning is not possible. In Christ’s redeeming grace, sin and its pain are replaced by faith and trust and hope and love.

So what can we say? Marriage is filled with troubles. But those trouble are never to be the beginning of divorce or adultery but should be the beginning of learning Jesus and his power of salvation.

May God bless all of our marriages and encourage all young men and women to marry without fear in Christ!